Why I Fight Against the Patriarchy
Why do I want to see the Patriarchy fall? As a man do I not benefit from this power structure? Am I not part of the Patriarchy?
Well, I’d argue we are never inherently part of a group by default. I choose to not be part of or complicit in the Patriarchy. So no, I am not part of that power structure simply by being a man.
Benefitting from it? Yes. Each man has to recognize that they have benefitted in some ways from the Patriarchy, just as white people have to recognize benefitting from systemic racism even if you hate it. That’s how power structures work. They spread benefits to people on the fringes. You may not actively participate, you may fight against said power structure, but by benefiting from it you are not “otherized”. This insidious manipulation fosters guilt, shame, and makes others question where you stand. It is meant to divide those on the outside and maintain a power structure’s core. Preservation is enabled by empowering just enough people to keep them complacent and unquestioning.
As for the big question of why I want the Patriarchy to burn, well that’s a bit longer and complex.
At the core I want this power structure dismantled because it hurts us all. There’s a famous George Carlin quote where he says “it’s a big club, and you ain’t in it.” The wool over our eyes makes us strive to belong, and believe we can belong, to this club. This ‘club’ is who runs the world and it’s an intersection of wealth, class, race, sex/gender, nationality, and whatever else can be used to deem someone as “lesser”. Yes, you’ll find people who aren’t white men, but white men make the core. They bring in select people who aren’t white, who aren’t men, but who will prop up the power structure and serve as decoys.
I typically think of it as the WASPs who founded America, who have controlled this country from the start and pitted every successive group of newcomers against each other while also waging long term genocide against the indigenous population. They crafted their own creation myth of America, shaped by their religious beliefs and greed.
The creators of The Dark Side of Purity have shared many of their experiences with Purity Culture and the Patriarchy. These have ranged from being shut out of opportunities in school, work, and hobbies, being harassed, being expected to behave a certain way, to be docile and to be servants to men, being assaulted, surviving rape and even incest. It breaks my heart, but not a single story surprised me. It’s not because I’ve grown callous, but because I have women in my life who I love that have experienced all of the above. I’ve heard so many awful stories, learned of so many different loved ones who have endured hardships that nobody should ever experience. It’s enough to drive you mad. To scream. To want to burn the motherfucker down.
All I had to do was shut up and listen. Guys, try doing that more often. It’s amazing what you’ll become aware of by just being silent and observing. I learned that early in life, it’s helped me in so many ways. When you have a soapbox by default one of the most powerful things you can do is to step aside, give space for others to speak, and just listen. Trust me when I tell you that if you do this you’ll find out that women you love have also survived countless acts of harm at the hands of the Patriarchy. The reason you have remained ignorant of them is that this power structure survives on silencing those it victimizes. So one of the greatest acts of defiance that you as a man can take is actually to be passive, to listen, and to consciously act to make the women in your life at ease and comfortable to tell you their secrets.
I’ve lost count of the family and friends who have lived through and survived these harms. Each act of harm has taken a piece of themselves away. Each woman has reacted differently and survived in different ways. None should have ever had to survive. Every one of them should have gotten to enjoy a life free of these acts of violence. That’s never been the case for women in this world though. The forces that prop up power structures like the Patriarchy are many. It can seem daunting. Taking on such a thing starts with listening. Listening builds empathy and solidarity. Collective action and unity are the ways to change systems. This needs to happen on so many fronts it can seem overwhelming. But we have to start. Guys, the women in your life are depending on you. Take action!
Patriarchy’s roots go deep and are wrapped around every institution in our lives. It puts us all at danger. If you think that’s hyperbole then take some time to think of how it impacts national defense. Sounds like a stretch to you? Well, one of the pillars of the Patriarchy is to shut women out and minimize them. That translates to pushing out talented women who could otherwise make great contributions in any field, national defense is no exception. This is absolutely a male dominated field that is explicitly hostile towards women. Every day there’s another politician bemoaning women in uniform as weak. Oddly those politicians have rarely worn a uniform or served anything besides their own ambitions.
That gatekeeping of national service, in or out of uniform, is just the mildest form taken. It’s no secret that the military has a massive problem with sexual assault and violence against women. It’s been known for decades with little improvement, usually met with only gestures and no action. The number of women who excelled at their jobs in the military and got out because of the dangers surrounding them are staggering. Domestic violence is often covered up when the perpetrator is a guy who is connected or is simply seen as a stand out soldier. The women existing in these circles are always an afterthought. It degrades things like a unit’s ability to effectively perform their missions, this is a material impact on national security. So yeah, the Patriarchy harms all of us in very real ways.
That may seem like an odd line of argument to go down for a comics publisher. One thing that seems to cross most political spectrums is national defense, so it’s a useful topic to bring up when trying to communicate the harms of a system like the Patriarchy. You want American’s to care about something? Show them how national defense is threatened. Is it sad that such a line must be taken? Sure. But it’s reality and we have to work within reality, not what we thing the world should be like. So for all the people out there who have a hard time taking this topic seriously, you should know that there are real ways in which you are made less safe because of the Patriarchy. You just need to put in the critical thinking to see it.
These examples are deeply personal and also US-centric. Well, that’s because this post is about my own reasons for wanting to see the Patriarchy burn. There are certainly many more layers to this, but this is my perspective. This is the view of an Iraq War veteran who served as a military advisor. This is the view of a firefighter. This is the view of a guy who publishes comics and has a Punisher sticker on his F-150. Maybe not what you picture when you think of an anti-patriarchy ally, but that’s the point.
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